it has been a transitional month to say the least. some of the deepest healing work i've done since february/march and feel all the taller for it. many life things have developed in the last week and although this blog has no true theme or thruline as i write it, mostly for myself - i mean who else is reading it anyways, it's a time to reflect and process. certainly sometimes a very healing purge.
i am constantly reminded, as we enter a significant election year this autumn, of the variance of beliefs and opinions found in our small community of music and art minded folks. not everyone believes in unity. in my experience, not even all those who promote the concept of unity live by it's standards. while i love sport, i don't believe in competition. i believe there is room for everyone at the table. i believe in balance and inclusion and equality, which all support the concept of unity. the human race is the solitary race. any dissent that doesn't include thought-provoking, rational debate is simply spew - fear is debilitating.
the above sentiments encapsulate all three things on my mind this evening. one is the upcoming presidential race and the social and performance politics that will come up in our village. it is a time ripe for music and art as a primary tool. i hope the creative masses of asheville will not be afraid to step out and step up. act up. activate change. i hope that my own fear won't keep me in a box.
i am also thick in a mental aftermath of a night which included too many crowns and being forced into unexpected treats. that is not a complaint by any means. i was thankful for the opportunity to get out. to hang out with a man i love and respect. i was also incredibly thankful for the agreement to not hang out at one stop and go down the street to.... well, anywhere but the onestop. it's a lovely place - especially the floor - and the sound is fine for the space and there are always lots of good people there, but i don't need to invite drama into my life, and when someone clearly doesn't like you it seems stupid to hang out at their establishment. so, my dear man accommodated my need for speed and we sped away into that good night. i was blessed to see some of my favorite women watching the screaming j's and thankful for a few drinks with good people.
at that point, i'm sure we should have gone home but i was outvoted 3-1 and returned to the onestop. fully prepared to be asked to leave. but adults behaved like adults and somehow we were there long enough for a few more drinks. in rare form, i lost count. i will cosmically thank the management for allowing me to be present. i had a great time and was gracious, as always, to watch some of my favorite musicians funk it up. mr.'s bjorlie, knorr, hovey, mason and more. it had been way too long since i'd heard an instrument being played live, other than my plunking away on mine. which is so not the same thing. oh, for the day when i can sing while they play ((((((O))))))
i only feel a smirk of what can't even be described as guilt for loving another woman's man. the feeling is like a suspension of disbelief - and guilt, well what is that anyway - more negative judgement that in my god's name must be declared unnecessary. this feeling of appreciation is only slightly tainted by the illusion of our ability to be together. except there is no illusion. we are honest with eachother and when we're together, we are together. what of those around us, that judge me for loving you and judge you for betraying her? i wish i cared more for their projections but i just cast them back as reflections. it confuses me but it doesn't upset me.
if only your sordid tales of swinging didn't taint the spiritual objectives of a more puritan concept of the open relationship. if only you would approach the topic with her. discretion is not ill advised, but certainly goes against the grain conceptually. which is why people who label themselves swingers can sometimes be so painfully outspoken. my hypocrisy knows no bounds, but i'm painfully outspoken for different reasons. one of them is because i find it difficult to trust people who are so very good at keeping secrets.
another big shift that occured this week is that mark griffith switched his alias to his real name on facebook and one of joshua's random searches last week brought them book to book. he sent him a friend request and wrote him an email and has been patiently checking only once a day. he seems content with the finding. "even if he doesn't respond, atleast i can find him there". joshua doesn't know what blocking is, hopefully neither does his father. my greatest prayer is that he will reach out to him there. i hope every day is the day he knocks on the door and introduces himself.
so in flight tonight, we unify. i am spending a decent percentage of my days right now in meditation and psychic connection. it is a time to be vigilent with the tools that keep you whole and connected. to your body, your gods, your people, your world at large and the oneness of the human race. it is a time of death and growth simultaneously in every given moment. we must embrace these changes in order to outgrow them. the next year is an incredibly important time to activate your deepest desires and to share your greatest visions. i recommend you watch your volume and enthusiasm in public, hang with people who get it and moderate your substances. love. peace. unity.
all situations fixed.
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